I've been (unfortunately) thinking about my Ex a lot today. This is due - in part - to my recently acquired Andy Grammer CD. Every song Andy sings is an anthem to my soul. Sappy? Yes. True? Undeniably. Strangely, my thoughts on the Ex aren't super negative.
I miss him, yes. But... I woke up this morning and I didn't hate him. I just feel... a little sad, and a little disappointed that things didn't work out, but... I'm at peace with it. Finally. I don't know if I'm quite ready to start seeing him socially again (I mean, really, do we even deserve that?), but I feel like I could bump into him somewhere and instead of wanting to cry, I could smile, give him a hug and honestly ask how he's doing and be genuinely interested for a few moments. It doesn't hurt so much to think about how we used to be. It still stings a little, but it's like a bruise that's healing instead of broken ribs and dislocated limbs. I'm calmer now. I can look at the situation with clear eyes and see how in many ways what happened was inevitable. Not necessarily smart, but it happened and I can't change it; I can only keep heading the direction I've set myself in.
I'm ready to go back to school, as well, because I have a plan. I'm going in with every defense available and I'm not anything stop me this time. Nothing.
So I'll leave you with part of the reason I've moved on from the entire "Ex" situation; part of the reason I'm almost completely over him:
The love we shared was real, the secrets we revealed
I hope I was a stepping stone
But now you are more yourself than when you met me
And I can say the same – I’m more myself, than when I met you….
And oh, I just want you to know
this is not a waste of time
there’s so much more below the service
we all search to find the ones who help us grow
and you have done that much for me
and I hope I’ve been a stepping stone
Looking back at what was done
I’m sure I hurt you some
and sure you threw a few low blows
but when the bruises heal, I’ll take down my shield
and thank god above I know you
cuz you are more yourself than when you met me,
and I can say the same – I’m more myself than when I met you
so, please, I ask you don’t
toss the work we’ve done aside
because we’re letting go
this is just a piece of life, focus on the whole
we have come so far…
Well I hope you use my back,
step across the pond and I hope by pushing off me you will come upon
the one who’s surely out there to whom you belong
I needed, I needed to meet you
I needed, I needed to meet your soul
And I hope
I’ve been a stepping stone.
~Andy Grammer, "Stepping Stone"
So there you have it.