Sunday, March 25, 2012

I'm Baaaack...

Yeah, so I totally fell off the planet there for a while, and I have good excuses, I promise! (Okay, they're kind of shitty excuses but it's my blog so suck it up.)

Acute Appendicitis. Although, when I heard that, I looked at my doctor and was all, "My appendix is not CUTE it's TRYING to KILL ME." He didn't think I was funny. I mean, I almost *died* and nobody in the hospital thought my jokes were entertaining. I swear, I'm like one of the Weasley twins when there's a life-and-death situation and I'm all trying to relieve the tension and nobody cares... But yes. It was about 3 weeks ago, and I'm just now completely back on my feet. It started on a Saturday morning, I took my sorry self to urgent care at noon, spent 4 hours throwing up and going through every test and exam they could think of (No, it's not a pelvic or cervical infection, no it's not a urinary tract infection, no it's not an intestinal infection, NO I AM NOT PREGNANT!) - much to my irritation - until my dad showed up and was like, "'Kay, I'm taking her to the hospital now." Most agonizing 10 minute drive of my life. I felt every bump, every dip, every uneven surface in the road and each one sent new stabs of pain through my entire abdominal area. From my ribs to my pelvis. Agony.
We got to the ER (thankfully my doctor called them and they were expecting us) but I still had to sit in the waiting room (still vomiting!) for almost an hour before they got me into a bed. And then they wanted to get another blood and urine sample. Unfortunately for the ER staff, I'd been vomiting almost constantly for over 4 hours at that point and was so dehydrated that my veins had shrunk down onto my muscular tissue and wouldn't budge. I'm not sure how I managed to take another pregnancy test in the ER but apparently people are compulsive liars even when their parents aren't present and wouldn't believe me when I swore up and down that me being pregnant was a biological impossibility (I went to Catholic school - I'm pretty sure I get how babies happen and that's not something that's happened recently enough for me to be pregnant). Eventually, my mom showed up, gave me a rosary (I seriously thought I was dying) and bitched out the doctor who was ignoring me as I started hallucinating because they hadn't given me a painkiller yet, and then they gave me morphine and 2 liters of fluid via IV and then they were able to take 6 more vials of blood.
A few hours later (still in the ER and the morphine had worn off!) I got wheeled away for a CT scan which of course came back normal, but apparently my white blood cell count was skyrocketing which I guess tells medical people that it's clinical appendicitis, even if it's not visual. So at about 1am my parents left, I got wheeled to a hospital room, was dosed with an extremely heavy narcotic and told to get some sleep as I would be getting cut open in the morning.
Morning came around and I was transferred to a gurney (ow!) and wheeled to the OR where my parents were waiting with my anesthesiologist (that's a fun word to spell...) who looked kinda like a hippie-Jesus-doctor. He stuck me real quick with something, then put the magic sleepy stuff in my IV and told me to count backwards. I made it to 5 and was out. When I came to I had an itchy oxygen mask over my face which I promptly ripped off and was woozy, confused, and in pain. I finally got Mr. Anesthesia-Jesus to give me the nose-oxygen instead (not itchy). Unfortunately, the idiots who wheeled me back to my hospital room were NOT paying attention to the fact that there were bumps marking every doorway and hallway and my cries of pain went unheard until they none-too-gently pushed me off the gurney and back onto my bed. They were cursed a blue streak that had my day nurse running in to see what the hell they were doing to me. Thankfully, he understood (yes, *he*. I had cute guy-nurses, my one compensation in this hell.), sent them out with a scolding and pumped me full of painkillers.
The next 3 days were full of sleeping, painkillers, jello, boredom, gorgeous flowers from the people I babysit for, visits from my parents, and more painkillers. I finally got them to spring me out on day 4 of my imprisonment, spent the rest of that day and night at my parents' house, and then (stupidly?) drove myself home to hide in bed. Then K--- came to visit me and took me for a walk. It was days before I could go up and down my stairs without having to stop halfway up and make sure I hadn't started bleeding, and showering was bliss. (On my last day in the hospital I took a shower out of a bucket in my hospital bed. Shaving from a bucket is not pleasant, I do not recommend it.) It's been a while but earlier this week I finally went back to work and have been pretty much back to normal.

I've felt like shit. For other reasons I shan't go into here. Basically it's been migraines and cramps around my stitches and general weakness and irritability. Not conducive to blogging.

My laptop is on the fritz. I seriously think Penelope might be dying. Like, she has viruses and I'm not sure the anti-virus software I have is up to the task. So I've been using my laptop from work to check e-mail and stuff, but it's not the same. I mean, I spent a year collecting quotes and images from the internet, lists of blog topics and documents (not to mention my NOVEL) that are all saved on that laptop. On top of that, I don't have the cash flow to take her to a professional so I'm kinda freaking out about that. Yeah...

So those are my reasons, take it or leave it. But thankfully I've only got one appendix, and mine is in a jar somewhere, probably being experimented on. At least it's out of me, though I still have funny little phantom twinges and my internal organs are still a little shifty sometimes. The Great Appendix Episode of 2012 is passed, and I'm mostly back in action.

Did ya miss me?

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